We can change our child’s behaviour by changing ours

Raising a teenager is not always an easy job. At this difficult age our beloved children can start arguing with us, shouting or even telling us off. This can not only concern us, but also even hurt our feelings. How to avoid these kinds of situations? Can we change our children’s behaviour by changing ours? According to one of the couples that have been on our Living With Teenagers programme – yes you can! We have received a letter with their story and we would like to share it with you today.

When our eldest son became a teenager it seemed as if he’d grown horns overnight and had a personality transplant; he became angry, bad mannered and answered back all the time. He would shout at us, stomp off, slam doors and throw things about. He also became lazy, he slept all the time, never left his room and he was secretive and monosyllabic. Our home suddenly became a war zone with everyone shouting at each other and we just didn’t know how to cope.

Talking to a close friend one day, she said she was having the same problems with her teenager and she gave me a leaflet about some help we could get. Things really came to a head shortly after this when our son stormed out of the house, apparently not to return! Distraught and confused, we ‘phoned the team at Fun and Families, who listened to my tearful account with complete sympathy and understanding.

They came round to talk to my husband and me and we signed up for the very next “Living with Teenagers” workshop. We went along one evening a week for 7 weeks to join a very small group of parents in similar situations. The workshops are totally confidential, they are fun and relaxed, they are sometimes soul searching and at times emotional.

We soon began to learn why our teenager was behaving so badly, how best to identify the triggers that would set off the bad behaviour and above all, how to avoid the destructive confrontation that was making all our lives hell.

The workshops are really comfortable, relaxed and are in a secure and safe environment; everyone is made really welcome by the group leader. We never once felt inadequate or unworthy. From the very first meeting we began putting our new parenting skills into place at home and by the end of the 7 weeks my husband and I had learned to work together to develop a whole new way of managing our teenager – who actually said to us that he was really pleased we’d been to the workshops! The results were just amazing – our home stopped being a battlefield and we all breathed a sigh of relief.

We are pleased to hear from people who have attended our courses

Fun and Families team is always happy to maintain communication with parents who have been on our course and keep up to date on how they are doing. We were glad to receive a letter from one of the lovely couples who have been on Living with Teenagers group two years ago. Here is what they wrote:

Even though two years have passed since me and my husband took the Living with Teenagers course, we still use many of the tools the workshops gave us and we have never looked back. Yes, we still have a few minor blow ups with our teenager, but what we don’t have any more is all the pent up anger, frustration and the tears. In fact, we can all laugh about it with our teenager now, and he has blossomed into a lovely young man.

Our son was about to go into GCSE mode and he’d never have coped or had any wish to work for his exams as things stood. The workshop saved not only our relationship with our teenager, but I am absolutely certain it saved our marriage too.
Even if your own situation isn’t quite like ours, but you would like to know what makes your teenager tick, do the workshop – we can’t recommend the team highly enough. In fact all of us in our little group were a bit sad when the 7 weeks came to an end, though you can go on more courses if you feel you need to, and the team is always welcoming and very happy to offer advice, support and sometimes just be there to listen.

If you have attended or are recently attending one of our courses feel free to share with other parents your experience and email us your story at centre@funandfamilies.org.uk

Living With Teenagers group inspired one of the parents’ to volunteer

We are happy to hear that our groups for parents do not only help them to resolve communication and behaviour problems with their children, but also inspire them to volunteer and to help us with new groups. Here is some feedback from one of the parents’ who attended Living with Teenagers group.

Me and my son were both having problems getting on. So we both went on the groups with “Fun and Families”. I did the “Living With Teenagers” group. It was for 2 hours a week for seven weeks. These 7 weeks were so worth it. I met other people that showed me that it’s not all bad and also ways to cope. Nowadays me and my son get on so much better.
After I had done the “Living With Teenagers” group I made my mind up that, as it had helped me so much, I would like to help children who are finding it hard to cope with their families. So I volunteered to help with the other “Liwing With Teenagers” group.